This week’s episode focuses on mum guilt and what you can do to overcome it, because you deserve to take better care of your own needs and desires, mama.
Transcript:
“Welcome to the Calm Resilient Mama Podcast. I’m Cindy Graham-Schmidt. I’m a Life Coach and mama of two. On this podcast I share with you coaching tools and tips to help you deal with challenges that life and motherhood throw at you. I will help you to enjoy your life more TODAY, because tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone.
Hey mama,
How are you?
Today I want to talk about a topic that I know many of us mums struggle with – Mum Guilt.
You know, as mums, we often wear multiple hats. We're caregivers, nurturers, educators, entertainers, taxi drivers and more. But sometimes, in the midst of all these roles, we forget one very important identity – our own. We're not “just” a mum. We're individuals with our own dreams, hopes, passions, and desires, but at times we tend to forget that.
Now, before we dive in, let me make one thing clear. Acknowledging the existence of those desires and hopes; and therefore mum guilt, doesn't take away anything from your love or your commitment to your children. In fact, if anything it's a sign of how deeply you care.
Mum Guilt often creeps in when we take a moment for ourselves, pursue our passions, or simply prioritise our own self-care. We wonder, "Shouldn't I be using that time to do something with or for my family?"
But let me tell you something – we need to honour our own individuality and our own interests. Just like our kids deserve to pursue their interests and ideas and dreams, we do too, because everyone does. As often, it's about finding a balance, for yourself and for your family.
So, how to do that and where do we start? Well, I always say start small. Even things like you listening to this podcast right now is an act of self-care and prioritising yourself. So you are already taking the first step. Go you!
I will now share some practical tips to help you navigate mum guilt better, so that it becomes easier for you to prioritise yourself and the things that make you you.
My first tip is Journaling. I encourage you to keep a journal and write down your thoughts, your dreams, and your desires. And when you’re about to make plans for yourself and mum guilt creeps in, revisit that journal and remind yourself of your goals and the importance of self-care. Having dreams and following them, will make you feel more on purpose and like you’re still your own person. So mama, it's time to get curious and start dreaming again. Those little nudges, those interests you've pushed aside, they matter. They are part of what makes you, YOU. So go ahead, grab a journal and explore them further.
My second tip is about understanding and practising Self-Compassion. Mum Guilt often stems from the misconception that putting ourselves first is selfish. So we need to reframe this belief, because having self-compassion and prioritising yourself isn’t selfish at all; it's a necessity. We all need to do it to be well and feel happy, and supported and like we matter.
Next time when mum guilt strikes, try having more self-compassion and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you offer to your children. Remind yourself that self-care is essential for your wellbeing, and that it ultimately benefits you AND your family.
Start by recognizing that you deserve the same care, love, attention and understanding as your children. Think about how you would comfort them when they're upset and then apply that same kindness to yourself when you experience mum guilt. Mother the mother.
It's really crucial to understand that by prioritising yourself and pursuing your passions, you're setting a positive example for your children. You're showing them that self-compassion is an essential part of a fulfilling and happy life. And isn’t that the kind of life you want for them? And for yourself? So next time, you notice that mean voice in your head, try practising some self-compassion instead.
Tip #3 is about support systems. When you build a support system of people that you can be open and honest with, you can share the load instead of carrying it all alone. And I’m not just talking about sharing actual tasks that need to be done, but also about being able to share your goals and dreams as well as your challenges with a trusted friend or a family member. Having someone who understands your journey and who doesn’t make you feel judged, can make a huge difference and provide you with encouragement and sometimes also accountability. Feeling supported and heard can help you to challenge mum guilt more easily when it arises. So don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend or loved one who will encourage you to prioritise yourself instead of trying to talk you out of it (like your brain does by making you feel guilt).
Tip #4 is practising daily affirmations. You can create your own or use some of the affirmations that I shared in episode #29. The affirmations you use should be positive statements that reinforce the importance of self-care and making time for your personal interests. Write them down and/or repeat them to yourself regularly, especially when mum guilt tries to creep in.
My last practical tip for today is time blocking. Or better, dedicating specific time slots in your schedule for self-care and pursuing your interests. Treat these like important appointments with the same seriousness as any other commitment. The more often you do this and stick to those “appointments” in your calendar, the easier it’ll get with time, because you basically train your brain to get used to you having that time for yourself - without the guilt.
So what do you? Let's banish that mum guilt, because you deserve to have dreams, goals, and interests beyond motherhood. Your identity matters, not just as a mum, but as a unique individual.
And if you're looking for support to help you find time for yourself and your passions, I invite you to check out the Calm Resilient Mama Project, my 1-on-1 coaching program. We can work together to help you prioritise self-care and working towards your dreams, even on the busiest of days.
That’s it from me for today. Take care and I’ll talk to you next time.”